Who doesn’t want to improve their marriage?

I love my husband and I think our marriage is great, but if it could be better….sign me up please!

Think about the temperature of your marriage. What if it could be better? It doesn’t have to be in a bad place now, just ask yourself do you want a marriage that improves overtime? If the answer is “yes” then this is a great place to start.

What if your marriage is falling apart and you are already talking about separation? This process will work for your marriage too. This is the process I used to save my own marriage.

If you will work this process I guarantee you will see amazing results!

Let’s get a few things out of the way first.  This process doesn’t apply to a physically abusive relationship. Protecting the life God has given you is a top priority.  Okay…now that we’ve got that covered,  which one of the following statements best describes the current atmosphere of your marriage?

Are you an ideal couple for this upgrade? 

  • He doesn’t understand me and he sure as heck doesn’t appreciate me. He just takes me for granted!
  • We are basically fire and ice. We are either having a screaming match or we live in dead silence.
  • We NEVER argue…..how could we? We are both so busy we never see one another. It’s like we are living separate lives.
  • We have a “normal” relationship, we argue/disagree from time to time, spend time together with the family, but I don’t get butterflies when I hear his car in the driveway or smile when his name/pic pops up on my phone.  Our relationship is….lukewarm.
  • My marriage is amazing! I can’t imagine it could get any better than it is right now. But…there is always room for improvement!

If any of those describes your marriage, then I have great news for you.  You are eligible for a marriage upgrade! The following is a 3-part process to start the upgrade.

Benefits of the upgrade:

  • more quality time
  • true peace in your home (not silence)
  • a healthier sex life
  • better communication
  • butterflies in the stomach (optional), smiles and laughter
  • Wife of the year award (may require more than one upgrade)

I know you want to experience all those benefits in your marriage no matter how long you’ve been married. In order to experience these benefits you must implement all 3 parts of the process.


PART 1:  Getting To Know God

The bible instructs us, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, ” (Matthew 6:33). If your relationship with your husband is more important to you than your relationship with God that’s part of the problem. Please understand your relationship with God will impact your relationship with EVERYONE else. As your relationships with God strengthens and deepens you will begin to see positive changes in every area of your life.

Regular attendance to church is important, but it’s only a small part. We have to study God’s word. I am talking independent, regular bible study for the purpose of getting to know the One who sent his Son to die for you. The One who laid down his life for you wants to have an intimate relationship with you. He will reveal to you how truly loved you are by him and help you to understand he is faithful for you. You’ll begin to understand what a blessing it is to take your burdens to him in prayer. This time will give you a joy that the troubles of this world, your marriage, your job, or anything else could take away. You will learn what it means to live in the grace and mercy of the Lord.

Suggested Next Steps: 

  • Bible study on the life and ministry of Jesus
  • Bible study on the promises of God
  • Study any book of the bible using one of the BSGW* study methods
  • Enroll in MasterClass “Become a Student of God’s Word” (Live class taught by Courage Molina)

*Become a Student of God’s Word available at Courage University

PART 2: Understanding Your Role

When you are hired you are given a copy of your duties and responsibilities. If you want to do a good job, receive high marks on your performance evaluation and earn bonuses, and promotions you are sure to fulfill all of your duties. You might even go above and beyond what’s required of you to set yourself apart from the rest.

Well, you’re married now, and you’ve accepted the position of  Wife and it comes with it’s own lists of duties and responsibilities.

Our Father in heaven created the institution of marriage. He also set the standard and roles for husbands and wives. What could be a better source to understanding your role as a wife than the bible itself? It is full of practical wisdom for wives.

In addition to your bible study for getting to know God, try doing a topical study on marriage. There are many great books out there focusing solely on the role of the wife according to the perfect word of God.

Suggested Next Steps:

  • Complete Elizabeth George’s bible study “A Wife After God’s Own Heart”
  • Take 30 Days to Pray for your husband with Stormie Omartian’s “The Power of the Praying Wife”
  • Join the live bible study with Courage Molina on Periscope (Download free app here and follow me @couragemolina)


PART 3: Learning Your Husband 

Once you’ve studied your role as a wife you will realize you were created to be a “suitable helper”. You’ll understand as a wife after God’s own heart you are to submit to your own husband in everything. Pay close attention to the part that says your own husband. That implies what you do for him your best friend may not have to do for her husband. It’s not about anyone else’s preferences or norms or any of that…its about the man you married.

How well do you know your husband? Do you know his likes and dislikes, his preferences for the things that matter to him? What is his favorite way to relax? Favorite childhood meal? Favorite dish you make? Dessert? Beverage? What’s does he love to see you in? What does he like in the bedroom? What are his hopes and dreams for your life together?

Do you get where I am going here? You have to get intentional about learning your husband. Become an expert in the subject of Mr. {Insert Husband’s Name Here}.

You’ll use this expertise to become his “suitable helper”.

Suggested Next Steps:

  • Take notes (literally in your phone, little notepad) when he tells you what he likes…listen
  • Pay attention to his routine, what he buys, orders, wishes he had, shows interest in..write it down
  • Download this free worksheet that will help you track his preferences. My Husband University Worksheet


This is not a one time “upgrade” process. Growth needs to be ongoing if we want to have a marriage that stands the test of time. As you both grow and experience new things in life his preferences will change and with them your duties.  As a wife you have the power to change the climate of your marriage. Look at Eve, while she didn’t wheel her power with wisdom she still had a great influence on her husband. How will you use your influence and power?



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